So our cars were “broken into” last night. I say broken because it really involved them opening a door cause we’re horrible at locking them. I first noticed when I saw my make up bag on my drivers seat, then looking around realized the car was a mess (items were pulled out of my first aid kit, trash was pulled out of where it had been tucked).
I still haven’t gone through it carefully but it seems two items are missing from each car. An envelope full of change from mine as well as a couple of dollars in loose change from my husbands, a knife, and an AA Book (the 12 & 12). Oddly I’m not particularly bothered by the theft. I did similar things in my youth when I was at my worst, and I know I leave my doors unlocked far too often.
I actually appreciate the things that were left and the fact that they seemed to just take what they’d use. I hope the book benefits them.
A friend posted a quote in a facebook group she runs today, “Do it with passion or not at all.” While I don’t at all mean to say anything negative about her positing it, it did bring up some strong thoughts for me. It sounds so like something I would have said, even that I would say now at times, without thinking. A part of me craves to live my life with passion, with intensity, with noticing how amazing every sounds, sight, sensation, and person I encounter is. I want to devour life and suck the marrow from the bones, to live in technicolor. Those are all things I’ve said and felt.
The problem is that is the type of thinking that gets me craving intensity to the point where I will sacrifice being healthy to get it. It is the type of thinking that leaves me dissatisfied with the simple beauty that is everyday life, that offers a different type of happiness, comfort, and fulfillment.
It is also the type of thinking that gives me an excuse to give up on things. The things that are challenging to learn, and not fun to practice but offer a longer term reward at the end of the journey. I think of passion as short and fleeting and there are few things I personally consistently feel “passionate” about. Were I to “do it with passion or not at all” I wouldn’t do much of anything for very long.
I still love the moments of getting caught up in a passion. I still want to have them, but I can’t accept it being ok to not do something because I’m not feeling passionate in the moment, and I can’t have the desire for momentary passion override the desire to fulfill my commitments. For now in my life I need to focus on living consistently with my morals, contributing to my communities in the most positive ways I can, and finding peace more than passion.